So what is it that you really want?  I know, not an appropriate question to ask during Lent, particularly at the beginning of Holy Week, when we liturgical Christians are all about fasting and penitence and identifying with the cross of Christ.  Putting aside what we want, giving up chocolate or coffee or trips to the mall, focusing on what we should want instead of what we really want.

But what is it that you really want?  I have a hunch that most of us have trouble getting down to the root of that question – and that when we do get down to what we really want, we find a deep part of ourselves and a place where we meet up with God.  Remember when Jesus said that it is harder for a rich person to enter the Kingdom of God than for a camel to go through the eye of a needle?   Well, I wonder if that isn’t because the more we are able to get what we want on the surface of things (chocolate, vacations, new clothes, big houses) – the easier it is to keep that question on the surface and never really get down underneath those surface “wants” to what we really want.

Sometimes when you’re not getting what you want, you have to dig a little deeper.  You want some new clothes?  That’s not a bad thing.  If you can just go out and get some, then that’s that and it’s taken care of.  You feel better.  But when you’re out of money and can’t just go get some, you have to sit for awhile with what you want.  What is it that you want?  Why do you want new clothes?  To feel better about yourself?  To celebrate Spring?  Aaaah … now we’re getting somewhere.

If you want to feel better about yourself, then let’s dig a little deeper yet … what might go even farther than new clothes, is learning how to love yourself, believing that you are loved by the Creator … and that may take a little more work than a trip to the mall.  Maybe you’ve never really believed you are worthy of love, or maybe you’ve worked hard to hide some nasty parts of yourself rather than face them and love them into the light.  You may need help, a guide or companion on the journey.  It may take courage to form new healthy relationships.  And who knows, along the way you may find that your old clothes feel new.  Or that you find more pizazz in the thrift stores than you did before, now that you’re taking a little more of yourself through the door.  But whatever happens with the clothes, I bet you are a little more sustained by getting down to what you really wanted and meeting God and yourself there.  Maybe that’s a little of what the Kingdom of God is.

You have a yearning to celebrate Spring?  Now that you’ve named it, find a way to do it if you can’t buy new clothes – & it will hold more meaning, not than buying clothes, but more meaning simply because of having named the desire.  Buy the new clothes if you can!  Celebrate Spring!  And having named your desire to celebrate the amazing gift of the natural cycle of seasons … you may do more than buy new clothes.  You may build more “nature time” into your week, you may join the Nature Conservancy, you might help plant a community garden in a poor neighborhood to bring a little more natural beauty to some corner of the world.  Maybe that, too, is a little of what the Kingdom of God is.

So try to ask yourself throughout the day and throughout the week — what do I want?  Make a list.  Big things, little things.  Don’t try to do anything about them yet, just notice them.  Then, before you do a thing about them, sit with that question a little longer.  Don’t let yourself go get what you want when you want it.  Ponder it.  What is it that I  really want?  Sometimes you really just want some chocolate.  Part of who you are is your physical body with all its needs and desires.  So note that you want some chocolate and either get some or don’t.  You’ve acknowledged a bit of who you are in the process.

But don’t stop there.  Keep sitting with the question.

What is it that you want?  You may or may not get it, but chances are you will get something that you need.  And that, too, will help usher the Kingdom of God into your life and probably into a bit of the world around you.

Take a chance and say what it is you want.