I’ve recently had to study the art of Michelangelo Caravaggio, and to those of you that don’t know art this is NOT the same Michelangelo that painted the Sisteen Chapel or the one that is named after the Ninja Turtle.  This Michelangelo more known just as Caravaggio is the dark, tortured, tainted, and flawed follower of Christ with an amazing skill at painting.  He lived from about 1571-1610 and was known as a brilliant artist that painted dark and controversial paintings.  He was a bit of an indulgent, he gambled, and drank often and spent his time with what people now a days would call “low lives.”  Back in the day artists would mostly paint religious pieces commissioned by a church or some sort of  insanely rich ruler, Caravaggio painted for freedom, and for the church because he had been convicted of murdering a man and used his skills of painting to get him out of trouble (which if you study more about Caravaggio he has done this multiple time in his life.)  One of his last pieces he painted was of David and Goliath, the reason why I am speaking of this and why it stands out to me is because it is very dark (like most of his pieces) and very graphic.  If you take a look at the painting on the left you will see David holding the head of Goliath, but the interesting thing about Goliath is, Goliath is a self portrait of Caravaggio.  Caravaggio put himself in as the head of Goliath.  Some people say it’s because he was looking for Atonement from the church for his sins.  I see it more as symbolism, that we are all in some way like Goliath and we are all capable of serious evil.  Caravaggio did indeed do some evil stuff, but he was a man who feared God, just not man.  God LOVES to use flawed men, it’s something that he does often in the Bible.  The beautiful thing about God is that he is forgiving, but we are still responsible for our wrong doings.  The beautiful thing about being a christian is, that we get to try to be like Jesus, which is hard but something I love to try to do, with my strengths and with my flaws.  Do you think that this art is good or bad?  Do you feel as though we even as God fearing christians can do and sometimes will do things that are evil or are against God’s will?  What do you think Caravaggio could have been saying?  What does this mean to you?  I think I am capable of anything, especially when I am thinking of God first and striving to be more like Jesus.  Do you think Caravaggio was fully concerned during some of his darkest times, of being more like Jesus?  Just some things to thing about, and some exploration of old world art.  Look up some more Caravaggio it’s brilliant stuff, some of my favorites are:  The Doubting of Thomas, and The Calling of Matthew.

As a teen and until now there was a band that stood out in my catalog, the one I listened to the most, the one I connected to the best…My Favorite band.  Now when I was a teen favorite bands were important, they proved who you were, it was common for someone to ask “What’s your favorite band?” or “Who are you listening to right now?”  As if the answer to those questions would let you deeply understand who I was.  The band for me was Sunny Day Real Estate, and I do believe that most of you probably have no clue who they are.  Well to me they were the world, everything I had ever wanted in music, although the band themselves were deeply unstable, with a few break ups here and there, they were a beacon for me to rely on in the “harsh, dark and cruel world” of high school.  Excuse my cynicism but when I think about it now in retrospect, I find it tremendously comical.  The lead singer of Sunny Day Real Estate’s name is Jeremy Enigk.  He was my role model, he was someone I looked up to without ever meeting him or knowing him deeply.  The only thing I knew deeply was his music and his biography which I had read on the internet.  Enigk found Jesus somewhere around the realease of the band’s second album in 1995.  This caused some drama in the band because Enigk’s vision changed, the band broke up and reunited about 4 times in the next 6 or 7 years, till about 2002 when they said they were done for good.  Fortunately for me I was able to see them when I was 17 in 2000, which was the best show I had seen at that time.

This past year in October of 2009, I had the wonderful opportunity of hearing that Sunny Day was back together again for the millionth time.  At this point in my life I realized that Sunny Day wasn’t what it used to be for me.  I realized that music isn’t what made me who I am, although I did realize this years prior it just hit me hard when I found out Sunny Day was touring again.  Their tour did come through Houston, so I went with my brother in-law and a close friend of mine from Jersey to see the show.  We got there early thinking the show would be jammed packed with people.  There was no one there at all when we got there except Jeremy Enigk by his tour bus smoking a cigarette.  I saw him as I was parking my car and screamed out loud like a little girl.  I parked the car fast and walked fast to the tour bus where he still was by himself smoking a cigarette.  I approached him with a smile and said “I just wanted to say hi and let you know i’m excited to see the show.”  He looked at me a little surprised that I even knew who he was.  He then smiled bashfully and shuck my hand and said “Hello.”  I asked him how long he has been in Houston and he responded by saying he was there all day and he went to a karate school and watched people practice karate through a window.  We took a picture together and then I walked off.  After that experience I realized the man that I considered my role model in my teenage years just talked to me about watching kids do karate.  Was he really my role model?  Or was I just being cool?  I could not figure out why he was a role model besides the fact that he was in my favorite band and he loved Jesus.  Not that he isn’t a good guy because he shares his soul in his music and he is incredibly spiritual and talented, I just realized I didn’t know anything about him personally to really asses why he would by my role model.  I think this happens more often then we think.  Our real role models a lot of times aren’t in our music or movies, but they are in our homes and classrooms.  As cliche and corny as that last sentence sounds, I think it is true, because after 26 years of life I realize that my mother is my role model…she is the person I want to use as model of who I want to become.  Who is your role model?  Is there a famous or not so famous person that you think may be your role model?  Why is this person your role model?  Btw that is a picture of Jeremy Enigk and I in Houston, he was a lot smaller than I expected.

Sunny Day Real Estate albums to Listen to:

Diary

How it feels to be something on (my favorite)

Jeremy Enigk solo albums to listen to:

Return of the Frog Queen

Ok Bear (my favorite, just released last year)

I just recently watched “The Book of Eli” which was a wonderful thing considering the first few movies I watched in this short while into 2010 have not been so good.  This movie was very good.  I’m a sucker for stories, and the story line of this film was so intriguing and spiritual, and not what I was expecting.  The plot of the film (which I will no go into acute detail for the sake of not spoiling the movie for those of you who have not seen it yet) is set in post apocalyptic Earth and the story follows a man (Denzel Washington) that feels he is called to take the last Bible in existence West where there is talk of a civilized society that is trying to restore humanity.  It shows his struggles of making his way westward, without actually having any clue where to go and the trials and tribulations that are in his way, such as people trying to steal from him and kill him for the book.  The movie is highly violent but riddled with spiritual Under and Overtones and for the sake of ruining the story I will end the plot description here.

What I took away from this movie is something that most probably should have.  The main point to me was to follow God’s lead blindly.  Without question, without complaint, we are called to follow Him, even if we don’t understand.  It kind of put that back into perspective to me for sometimes we forget that we are not the ones who should question the Lord, which we all do daily.  God uses people in so many ways even when we don’t understand.  Such as why did God chose two men (Allen and Albert Hughes) to direct “The Book of Eli” that have no real belief or faith in their lives currently, and it’s a movie based on believing in faith and spiritual guidance?  I think it’s because God knew they were best fit for it.  Either way it’s not for us to question.  If you were to be put in a position where you were supposed to blindly go somewhere without knowing where you would end, would you have the courage to do so without complaint, questioning or complete understanding for Gods will?  What feelings would have if you were told to go west and keep moving until you find what it is you are looking for?

About 4 years ago I had a conversation with my father in-law who at that time was just my girlfriend’s father.  He took me out to lunch to get a better feel of who I was and my background.  It was a few days prior to father’s day.  We talked for quite some time and he asked me innocent questions of my past, present and where I wanted my future to be.  I’ll never forget how he seemed truly interested in the things I told him and my plans for life.  He asked me about my father and let me know that my dad must have been a good one because he did a god job on me.  Unfortunately I had to let him know that my mother is to credit because she was my father and my father was a let down and no where to be found in my youth.  He went on to ask me questions about him, in which some I didn’t have the answers to because I didn’t know much about him.  In the effect that it was close to Father’s Day and my father in-law is a God-Fearing, spiritual, Bible quoting, wonderfully challenging man, he challenged me to do something I will never forget…he said I should call my father on Father’s Day.  I was slightly shocked because my wife (Rebecca) had been challenging me to talk to my father as well ever since we started dating.  I asked him why he thought I should call him,  he said “The Bible tells us to honor thy father and mother, period.”  I had a very perplexed look on my face, and then he continued, “It doesn’t say honor thy father and mother only if they are really good people and parents, it just commands us to honor them.”  That statement haunted and consumed my thoughts for about 2 years.

A couple months ago I saw the film “Precious: Based on the novel Push by Sapphire.”  It was one of the most brutal, honest, painful, sad, and hopeful movies I have ever seen.  It was about a 16 year old girl’s journey of learning to read and write while dealing with physical, emotional and sexual abuse, being raped by her father and beaten by her mother.  She was pregnant with her second child, both children given to her by her father.  Her resilience was fascinating and her drive to learn and make her children’s lives better than her own gave me a vision of hope in which I have never seen.  It was one of the most beautiful films I have ever seen.  I was moved by this story, although it was fictional it was derived from real life situations that women have been in.  I am going to stop here with the description of the plot because I feel it is a film that everyone should see and I don’t want to spoil this inspirational story, read the book too, it will rock your socks off…neither the movie nor the book are for young audiences.

Now how do those two completely different paragraphs even pertain to anything I could be thinking?  This I shall explain.  Precious has caused me to do a lot of thinking in the last couple months, helping me realize the amazing blessings I have had in my life and the way God has always seemed to get my back.  It’s helped me count my blessings in my life with the situation I have with my father.  My wife was even led to say “I feel as though I should never complain about anything in my life ever again” after watching Precious.  I have been stirred up in thought about my own father after watching this movie.  My situation with my father is not at all in any way similar to Precious’ situation, it just made me think about bad fathers in general and how up to about 2 years ago my father hadn’t been really a father to me at all.  I began to think about others in my situation or in worse situations such as Precious and how earthly fathers are so important to the foundation and growth of a child.  When there is a lack in a male spiritual mentor it does truly effect a child. I didn’t realize it effected me until about 2 years ago when I was 24 years old.  It was quite a pivotal moment in my life when I woke up and realize that I was severely depressed by the status of my father and I’s relationship.  The feeling was suffocating and crippling, I felt as though I could not properly manage  loving my own children (when I have them one day), unless have some sort of relationship with my own father.  To make a long story short, we had a talk and I told him how our relationship was going to be, and what I needed and expected from him.  It turned out a lot better than what I was anticipating, he seemed to respond to my pain and relate with my feelings.  It seems that this trend of fathers has been in many generations of my family besides this one, and unfortunately my father had fallen into that mold.  Our relationship has grown tremendously and my father has been able to inspire me to understand reasons why I love him, which is quite refreshing (hope and resilience, like Precious).  This was truly inspired by the challenge that my father in-law and wife had issued me some years ago, and it’s one of the many reasons I love both of them with all my heart.  If you were or are in a situation that Precious was in would you be able to honor your father or mother?  If you were or are in a situation more like mine with a father or mother that shares empty promises and was never there for you, would you be able to honor your father or mother?  Think deeply and hardly.