I love this sermon.  It gives me goosebumps to think of Mary coming to the empty tomb, with her grief and emptiness, and hearing her name spoken by Jesus.

I would love to hear your stories of moments or days or weeks or years when you’ve come to an empty place with your grief, or disappointment, or despair … and somehow heard or felt your name spoken.

Click HERE to read the entire sermon.

Happy Easter!

One of my favorite authors is Barbar Brown Taylor.  She was named one of the top 20 preachers in America.  A few years ago she wrote a very honest memoir of her decision to leave her role as pastor called Leaving Church.  She is a person who was willing to ask the hard questions and see where the path would take her.  I resonate with her conclusion:

“I thought that being faithful was about becoming somone other than who I was, in other words, and it was not until this project failed that I began to wonder if my human wholeness might be more useful to God than my exhausting goodness.”

This deeply reflective author bring to us some wonderful questions to consider about our communities of faith and self.  This weeks installment of Walking with Questions calls us to stop and ponder the type of communities and relationships that we are a part of and are creating:

“What if people were invited to come tell what they already know of God instead of to learn what they are suppose to believe?  What if they were blessed for what they are doing in the world instead of chastened for not doing more at church?  What if church felt more like a way station than a destination?  What if the church’s job were to move people out the door instead of trying to keep them in, by convincing them that God needed them more in the world than in the church?”

What if we could listen more?  What if we had the courage of Barbara to unlearn what we think we know rather than continuing to look for things that confirm what we already think?

Roy Mwesigwa is a native Ugandan, and a very good friend of a very good friend of mine, Greg Taylor. Roy recently visited the United States for the second time in his life, and I had the privilege of sharing some time with him while he passed through Tulsa. As a group of us shared a meal together at a local Chinese restaurant, we peered across the parking lot at a Wal-Mart. Roy was the first person I had ever met who had not been inside of a Wal-Mart, so after we finished our meal we escorted Roy on a tour of the super-chain. I should explain that it was only a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market, the grocery-store-only, baby-version of the typical “super” Wal-Mart, so we found ourselves apologizing for this tiny version of the real thing as the glass doors slid open. The wide-eyed look of disbelief and painted smile on Roy’s face told us that he wasn’t able to mentally process even this mini-version of opulence, and probably couldn’t fathom the grander scale that we attempted to describe.

We started with the Red Box movie rental machine out front, explaining to Roy the many entertainment options at his fingertips. He seemed entranced by the machine. As we moved inside, Roy’s eyes met the high ceilings and I imagined a small boy in a blue blazer stepping into Santa’s Workshop, or Charlie taking his first look into the ominous Chocolate Factory. I didn’t see him blink once as he gazed in awe at aisle after aisle of choices; a pyramid of oranges stacked to shoulder height, piles of potatoes, tomatoes of all sizes, packaged breads of various colors and shapes, an entire row of soda choices, and another of only coffee and tea options. When we came to the refrigerated, dairy section, Roy asked me if each glass door that separated product from shopper was an individual refrigerator. I can’t explain his reaction when I told him to look closer, informing him that the entire bank of glass doors was simply the front side of a very large, refrigerated room filled from floor to ceiling with cold product. At this point, some shoppers seemed to sense that something different was happening and a few began to look at Roy with looks of strange curiosity.

I must admit that, while it was a complete joy for me to share in this experience with Roy, I also felt a pervasive sense of guilt coursing through my veins as I imagined the comparisons that Roy was making between the extravagance that we were showing him, and his lifestyle in Uganda. He asked if there were smaller stores that competed with the mega store. Someone replied, “a few, but Wal-Mart runs most of the smaller stores out of business.” Realizing that smaller, independently-owned stores are all he knows, a pinch of sadness now swirled into the amalgam of fun, exhilaration, excitement, dizziness, guilt and extravagance.

What we have at our disposal in America is nothing short of amazing when compared to the rest of the world. Still, if you pay attention to our headlines, it seems that so much of our privilege and luxury is lost in a sea of dissatisfaction, selfishness, and an overpowering sense of entitlement among Americans. I’m not bashing America. I’m very proud to be American but if we’re honest, we’d probably admit that we all take it for granted on certain levels. My experience with Roy, however, helped me to see a bit clearer the reality in which I live, and how it is much different than many other realities across the globe. Of course I knew this before meeting Roy, but there was something poignant about looking into his dark-brown eyes as he saw my world for the first time. At that moment, Uganda had a face, a voice, a personality, a handshake, a smile, and a name; Roy Mwesigwa. His last name means “honest man,” and the eyes of my new friend from across the world certainly spoke truth to me that day. Despite our differences, we are all in this together and I find myself, more and more, wanting to look into the eyes of my neighbors and see the world through their perspectives. We all have our own reality and we are all right where God has placed us, but through they eyes of our neighbor, we can go anywhere, allowing us to see beyond our personal experiences.  Where are you right now? Who is your neighbor? Where do you want to go, and what do you think God wants you to do with your reality?

The following is a poem written by an unnamed homeless man that I heard read during a prayer tour led by Center for Student Missions in Chicago:

Eyes

“Look me in the eyes at least,

When you pass me by on the street,

Whether or not you answer my plea for money:

My eyes are the poorest of me—

Require only your two cents when we meet—

And are more in dire need of these than your feet.

My poor eyes!  How they have spent the rent

Trying to buy a pleasant remembrance

To throw up on my mind’s screen when I finally tire

Of going ungreeted, unseen.

I tell you what I want—what I feel

When you shuffle by behind your paper

Trying to be discreet, sweating slightly

Under your suit collar and looking down,

Always down, as if I were your sin. . .

Be absolved of the guilt trip!  Look at me!

Make me a mint!  Shower me with riches!

Give me a long look, and drown me in it!

Dignity outlasts dollars.”

We have the chance to partner with the Almighty God in restoring/reinstilling dignity and life to those in great need.  WOW! 

Are we so busy doing “important things” and/or living such fragmented lives that we are missing opportunities to be a part of such a beautiful and powerful experience?

Do you want to simply exist and attempt to survive, or do you want to truly live?

Larry met his wife at the door when she returned from her time volunteering at the church.  He knew that she would have some emotions saved up from the event to “process with him”.  Often she would be angry at someone who did/didn’t do/said/didn’t say something right.  Larry had learned not to try to calm his wife or redirect her feelings.  Nothing would help her except for her to see him take on her feelings.  She needed him to feel what she felt in order to fell validated in her own feelings or to feel cared for by Larry.

Larry’s wife is a Type A codependent, and Larry had become a safe harbor for her by developing his own codependency; Type B – “It is my job to care for you.”

In counseling with Larry’s wife I have to walk a delicate line.  I provoke her anxiety by at times disagreeing with her perspectives and challenging her emotional responses.  At other times I comfort her by assuring her of the value of her thinking and feeling.  Back and forth goes our dance; Comforting and provoking, provoking and comforting.   She is never sure which she will receive from me.  When she gets frustrated with this process she will sometimes threaten to quit counseling.  I comfort her by assuring her that I would miss her and I wish she would continue.  At other times, she may say that she is ready to leave counseling due to the growth and healing she has experienced.  Then I will provoke her by stating goals I think she has yet to achieve.

In other words, I will honor any decision she makes but I will not validate her thinking and feelings when I believe they are unhealthy.  I will not play the codependent game.  Still, I will enjoy and love Larry’s wife.

One of our next goals together is for Larry’s wife to express the frustrations she has about me to me; not to Larry.  This is a scary process for Larry’s wife.   I’ve told her that I won’t talk with Larry about her frustrations with me.  Thus, frustrating both Larry and his wife and throwing a kink in their mutual codependency.

If Larry and his wife continue in counseling it will be because they see value in how I relate to them.  THEN, I can coach them further on how to change their relationship with each other.  Pray for us!

Today is Easter Sunday.  I attended church today and was overwhelmed with the idea that “God came near” and is relational, and He has the final word on relationship.  In my jobs at camps, education, and youth ministry I’ve been called an expert in relationship ministry.  I have believed that I was that expert on many occasions.  I get asked to give advice, do weddings, help groups come together, and I have quite a few facebook friends.   I know, its a big deal… (the word friend has a “broadened” definition these days..)

When I think of the people who do relationship well, the people who I revere and wish I was more like, I become aware that my “expertise”  isn’t worth much.  They typically are are small group of people who, as Dave Jewitt would say, “under promise, and over deliver.”  They have a congruence, a consistency.  They practice what they preach, and they don’t preach what they don’t practice.  They take courageous paths, but don’t seem as concerned with changing the world.  They just make a true contribution to their little corner of it.  They are hospitable, gracious, honest, humble, and reverent towards God.  They don’t take on more than they can handle, because they know their specific role, and they give attention to that.  They let go of what isn’t theirs, knowing God is big and able.  That sounds like me in my dreams on a good day.  Also, they don’t seem to be trying real hard on these fronts.  It just flows from the inside (or at least it looks like that on the outside!)

Then I go to church today, and am reminded that God is a relational God, and Jesus demonstrates God’s relational nature by joining man and his pain.  Jesus then gives me the example of always doing what He says He’s going to do.  He relates to those who He is supposed to, and He doesn’t give everyone what they want (thats not a relationship.)  He spends time alone, He enters into pain for the benefit of those He loves, and He gives us the miracle of restraint in His response to the temptations in the desert, and to the unbelievable temptation to forgo the unthinkable pain and suffering He endured on the Cross.

And I’m reminded, that I am no expert at relationships. I’m just fortunate to be in them. I love that I get to be in relationships- with friends, my wife, my children, the folks at Challenge Quest, the people I serve, people from past jobs…  Brother, I am blessed.

I want to be better at doing what I say I do, and not talking about what I am not willing to engage.  Perhaps now passing age 40, the approval of any man or the need for my own sense of significance will not matter, and looking to the redemptive Christ will remind me, will teach me about what real relationship is.  I’m no expert- right now I’m feeling a little more like John Lennon in 1965 when he sang “I’m a Loser, and I’m not what I appear to be…”  And, I feel good in that place because I am in awe of a demonstration of grace and congruence in the person of Jesus Christ.

Easter reminds me that there is death that precedes new life.  The blossoms today give me energy to allow that death in my life to run its course- because my eyes fixed on Christ will yield a beauty I can’t manufacture in my bogus attempts, which even look very good on the outside.

Hebrews 12:2-3 tells us: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”

May we today consider His example, take an honest account of our life, and let the best relationships grow from His example, from His relationship with us.  May we do what we say we do, and help others see the story for what it is:  New Life!

• Lets engage the adventure of new life!
• Lets look for the new life in acts of justice, where we care for God’s people!
• Lets let new life flow in Community!
• Lets consider who we are in the identity of new life!
• Lets look for God’s new life acting in the world today!
• Let us most of all, look to the Author of New Life.

How might you do this today?  This year?

My wife an I just bought a new car a couple days ago (hence why I am a little late blogging this week.)  This car can be looked at as a status symbol, but believe it or not that is not why we bought the thing.  We bought it because it’s a car that we both have always dreamed about having (because they are beautiful, and it’s strange when we both like something to this magnitude, for we are pretty oppositional when it comes to a lot of preferences) and it was at a price that was so unbeatable that we had to snag it.  One of the things that the car dealer tried to sell us on was the fact that when people see us in this vehicle, they think highly of you, or of your status.  In my mind I could care less, I just want a car that is awesome and in my budget.  This partially goes with the idea of my previous post about people stereotyping at first glance, do people ultimately judge your status or persona or life by the car you drive?  This is yet another thing that I would rather not fall victim of, but sometimes when I see a 200,000 dollar Bentley on the road I can’t help to think you have to have money in order to have a car like that.  It’s funny how people do crave to have an elite status and some will go to the length of buying “elite” things.  I think what truly matters whether you are rich or poor is what you have inside your heart not your wallet.  It’s sort of shameful that in car sales tactics, they do use the idea of the car “enhancing” your status.  The only status I truly worry about is my status with the almighty in Heaven.  Do you think it is important to have nice things?  Do you think it is a proper assessment to judge someone by the model of their car?  Do you think that any of the things we have actually matter in this life?  How often do you worry about your status in society?

I am convinced that Jesus dealt in mess more than he dealt with the nice and neat. I am also convinced that He called his Church to mess instead of the nice and neat. Yet, how would you feel if you caught your pastor hanging out at the local bar or casino? Maybe worse, what if he/she where spending time with Tiger Woods or Obama right now? A few years back I got to meet with a pretty high profile Christian author/speaker. (sorry I don’t like to name drop…)  When I asked him about meeting with President Clinton during his scandal with Monica Lewinsky he said, “The most amazing part about it was how the Christian church responded to me trying to help the President through his mess.” Needless to say their response erred on the side of judgement instead of encouragement.

Why is this? In Mark 2:17,  Jesus said, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” How many of our lives and how many of our churches are concentrating on the righteous more than the sick? How many of us turn a nose to the sick because they are messy, but feel very comfortable sitting in our churches with the righteous? How many of us have become Pharisees? On the outside we say the right things, do the right things, and hang-out with the right people yet inside we are full of ourselves. I am guilty as charged! In fact, I hate this about myself. I am a selfish nose turner that loves the comfort of my chair (not my pew, we are to contemporary for those…) in my church. I have become to comfortable.

So here are the tough questions I must ask myself and ask you… 1) If Christ called us to the sick then why are hanging out with the righteous? 2) Are we hanging-out in the right places? 3) How would you feel if your pastor were caught hanging out in a bar or casino?

P.S. — Pastor Dave if you are reading this I would applaud your efforts in reaching people for Christ. In fact, I might just join you….